another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
