Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
