Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
