i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
