the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
