Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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