Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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