dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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