i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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