Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize