the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
