he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
