So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
