honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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