i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
