No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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