Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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