she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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