sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
