dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
