Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize