Your face is a jimmy john
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
