I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
