you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
