In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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