I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
