So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
