Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
