OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I smell like Dick and happiness
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
