Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize