wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
