you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
