My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize