loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize