If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
