How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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