I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
