could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize