Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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