He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize