Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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