My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
