um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
