Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
