I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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