I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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