Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She needs sedatives and a leash
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