bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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