Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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