I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
