I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
