he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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