btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
