Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
