Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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