seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize