Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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