This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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