after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
