well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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