You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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