OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
