8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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