Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
