you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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