around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
