those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize