I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
