I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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