did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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