she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
