I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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