Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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