I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
