I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
