I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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