Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
