she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
