If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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