i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
