ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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