On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
