I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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