so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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