I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
