Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
