I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
