just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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