fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
