yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Congratulations! We have a period
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
