she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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