first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
