Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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